Monday, November 07, 2005

my persistent lover.

so it was, years ago, when i was lying in a drunken stupor for 3 hours when my dad found me.
i was the son of a pastor, a seminary leader, and i had been perpetually high for 3 months now.
jobless, not attending college or anything, i had found a group of friends.
we got a kick out of it.
a kick out of hash, out of booze.
one night, when i came home drunk and high--this was the first time my dad saw this, although he knew what i had been up to--he told me that he loved me, and that nothing i did would change his love for me.
he also told me, though, that i couldn't keep doing this.
i could not be allowed to do this in this family's home.

baseline, it seemed, he was telling me to get out.
i didn't though; he didn't force me either.

more weeks passed, still the same old stupor, the same old drunkenness.
one night, i came home to find my dad sitting out on the porch, waiting up for me.
of course, i was drunk.
he said to me: you know i love you, and i always will. because i love you, i've changed the locks. if you want a key, you have to obey the rules of this family.
i took some of my things, stole my dad's wallet, and ran.

for the next three months, i stayed in a house with the rest of my friends.
the night of my first birthday away from home, i was--as usual--drunk and passed out. everyone was, i suppose, drunk or unconscious.
my dad came into the room.
the room littered with beer cans, with open pizza boxes, with rotting food.
the front door of the house had been wide open.
i lay where i was, a girl knocked out beside me, afraid of what my dad would do.
would he kick and scream, would be take my head and shake me awake?
i pretended to be asleep.

he just stood there, for a really long time, and looked at me.
i wondered what he was thinking.
then he came over, knelt down.
he kissed my forehead.
kissed me tenderly.
and then he left.

the story of a wayward youth, with a persistent lover for a father.
eventually, he went back to college, got a degree, and chose to go to the seminary.
he's now a pastor.
many years later, his dad asked him what turned him around.
he told him the story.

what a heart He has.
to love one who has so grievously hurt Him, who intentionally defies and disappoints him.
no greater love, indeed.


Post a Comment

<< Home